Conflict Resolution Skills for Healthy Relationships
Get ConnectedConflict Resolution Skills for Healthy Relationships
Get ConnectedNo one likes dealing with conflict
Here are 7 conflict resolution skills to help you have healthier relationships.
Whether it’s with a friend, a spouse, or at work, conflict is a natural part of life. But dealing with conflict and coming to a peaceful solution is harder than it sounds.
Most of us fall in one of two categories…
- I’m an avoider. Avoiding conflict is leading to bitterness and resentment in my relationships.
- I’m a confronter. I charge into confrontation, often creating more damage, saying things I don’t mean, and creating unsafe relationships.
Neither of these responses leads to healthy relationships. Here at , we want you to have the conflict resolution skills in your toolbox to help maintain healthy relationships with the people around you. Here are 7 skills and strategies to help you manage conflict when it arises.
Understand and manage your own emotions
Conflict can lead to strong emotions all around. People don’t get into conflict without having deep emotional investment in the thing that caused that conflict. Before you jump into conflict management process, you need to understand your own emotions. You won’t be able to clearly communicate your feelings and needs if you don’t understand them yourself. And taking time to sort through your emotions before starting conflict resolution, you will be less likely to be overwhelmed and influenced by strong emotions in the heat of the moment. Emotional intelligence is key to healthy problem solving.
Listen First
The goal of any conflict resolution strategy is to find a solution that makes people feel heard and understood. When going into conflict resolution (especially if someone else has come to you with a grievance) it is important to listen first. We all want to feel heard, and you may feel the need to explain yourself first. But being an active listener and letting the other party feel heard will go a long way in resolving the conflict and prioritizing the relationship as you seek to resolve the disagreement.
We can only truly resolve conflict in the context of healthy community. When we have people around us to encourage us and listen to us (and people we encourage and listen to), conflict resolution is about maintaining relationships, not being “right”.
Getting involved in a group is a great way to practice this. We have tons of groups available at .
There’s a group for you.
If you’re looking for a community, there’s a group of people ready for you here at in . Check out our groups online.
Seek Empathy
Just like you would want to be understood in the midst of a conflict, the other parties in a disagreement also want to be understood. When you are resolving conflict, do your best to understand the other person’s point of view. You may be surprised to hear the same feelings and emotions in the other person that you yourself feel. Empathy goes a long way to finding resolution after a conflict.
Start with “I feel” statements
If you have been wronged, it is easy to go into a conversation by telling the other person about all the things they did to wrong you. Our instinct is to say something like “you did this thing to hurt me” or “you are being really mean/thoughtless/etc”. But when we enter into conflict resolution by accusing someone, that person is much more likely to get defensive. Using statements like “when you did this, I felt sad/hurt”, you honestly convey your feelings without jumping to accusations.
Use a third party mediator if necessary
The goal of any conflict resolution strategy is to find a solution that makes people feel heard and understood. When going into conflict resolution (especially if someone else has come to you with a grievance), it is important to listen first. We all want to feel heard, and you may feel the need to explain yourself first. But being an active listener and letting the other party feel heard will go a long way in resolving the conflict and prioritizing the relationship as you seek to resolve the disagreement.
We can only truly resolve conflict in the context of healthy community. When we have people around us to encourage us and listen to us (and people we encourage and listen to), conflict resolution is about maintaining relationships, not being “right”.
You are not alone.
If you want to speak with a counselor or pastor, we have resources available to you. Get connected with a someone today.
Own what is yours to own
In a conflict, the truth is this: you need to own what is yours to own. Apologizing isn’t a weakness, and owning your part in a conflict or disagreement is important to maintain a relationship with the other person. Conflict is rarely one sided, so even if you feel hurt or offended, chances are there is something you need to own up to and apologize for.
Find forgiveness
The ultimate goal of managing and resolving conflict is to find solutions and a way forward with the other person. Key to this is one thing: forgiveness. Whether you are the one who is asking for forgiveness or the person who needs forgiveness, it is the most important thing needed to find long term resolution. Forgiveness isn’t forgetting, but it is deciding that your hurt feelings don’t have power over you anymore.
We believe that the ultimate source of forgiveness and all healthy, life-giving relationships is knowing Jesus. We also know that all of us are at our best when we are surrounded with healthy relationships. We would love to be part of your life here at in .
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