5 Biblical Principles for Parenting
Get Connected5 Biblical Principles for Parenting
Get ConnectedParenting in the 21st century is a full-time job…
Between the constant needs of your kids, the demands and expectations of the world, and the need for sleep, the weight of parenting can be a lot to manage. You want to be a good parent, and Biblical parenting is important. But unfortunately the Bible isn’t a how-to manual of how to train up a child in the ways of God. Even if it’s not a strict guide, the Bible is still full of wisdom for how to lead and guide your children in truth and love.
As Christian parents, we rely on God’s word to inform all of our life, including our parenting. Here are 5 principles to parent your children Biblically.
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Parenting is a whole life endeavor
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
Deuteronomy 6:6-9
When you are parenting your children in the ways of God, you want His truths to really stick with them. But just telling your kids the Gospel story and hoping that it sticks isn’t enough. Deuteronomy says that teaching your kids is a round-the-clock job: at home and on the road, in the morning and at night, and in plain sight where you see it every day.
This means that teaching your children how to love God is a whole life process. Don’t just relegate it to family Bible study or church on Sunday mornings. Parenting your kids to know and love Jesus is something you never stop doing.
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You aren’t parenting alone
“Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.” Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.
1 Samuel 1:15-18
Parenting is a tough job, and there are days where you will be heart-broken, discouraged, frustrated, and downright mad. You are going to feel like Hannah in 1 Samuel. You’re going to feel the chronic ache of parenthood: like you’re failing, like you are falling apart, and like you can’t do anything right. If you are deeply troubled (like Hannah was), take heart in knowing that God listens to and answers your prayers.
God listens and remembers you in your most frustrating and discouraging moments as a parent. When you parent, you don’t do so alone. The Holy Spirit has been promised to you and helps you lead your children to God.
Aim for holy character, not just good behavior
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’
Matthew 7:21-23
There will be times when you feel like you are dealing only with your kid’s actions and behaviors: disobedience, disrespect, lying, stealing… But when you are experiencing negative behavior, there’s a lot more under the surface; what is happening in your child’s heart? The same can be said for their positive behavior. Just because they are super kind or thoughtful doesn’t mean they are being shaped into someone more like Jesus.
The easy temptation of parenthood is to work on behavior modification: we punish bad behavior and reward good behavior. But raising kids to love God, read the Bible, and be more like Jesus is about developing their character. Actions and behaviors aren’t the same as truly knowing Christ. Encourage your children to know Christ deeply, not just “behave well”.
Discipline is about change, not punishment
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it… Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.
Proverbs 22:6, 15
You will inevitably run up against the need for discipline with your kids. In fact, it is a Biblically encouraged practice. But whenever Scripture talks about discipline, it is not in reference to punishment. The Bible encourages us to discipline our children because it shapes them into the right kind of people, not because they deserve punishment. Healthy and Biblical discipline helps children understand the natural consequences of their actions, and promote change. And more than that, discipline acts as the natural guardrails that protect your child from danger and guides them down a road towards Jesus.
Finding the balance between discipline that is about behavior management and about good character formation can be tricky. But when you discipline your child, remember that you aren’t just trying to create a better behaved child, but rather a child that loves Jesus and knows Him in their heart.
Healthy parenting comes from your identity in Christ
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23
You want to be a good parent. You want to love your children well and shepherd them to know Jesus. You want to teach them God’s wisdom and truth. And you want to do it all while being perfectly patient and kind. And by your own power, it is impossible to do all that. But you are not relying on your own power. Your parenting comes from the power of the Holy Spirit.
When you find your own identity in Christ and rely on Him, you might just find yourself being more loving, joyful, patient, and kind. When the Holy Spirit is overflowing in you, it will naturally spill over into your parenting. That’s not to say that if you snap at your kids you don’t have the Holy Spirit (remember, it’s okay to mess up sometimes). But it’s important to remember that your personal spiritual life will inform your parenting. Invite Jesus into your parenting and through Him, you will see fruit.
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